What a week it has been ! I learned while listening and participating in the World Energy Summit that false cultural beliefs we have can make our lives a struggle and create a feeling of being overwhelmed as we attempt to meet standards for which we actually have no control. We put our energy out there in many diverse ways in efforts to control our world, fix and rescue our loved ones, spending energy on worrying, and letting fear create false beliefs about our world. There is so much energy that we send “out there” that we deplete our supply to live the creative joyful life that we are meant to enjoy. I did an exercise to pull back the energy from all the places I have sent it. I then pulled the false beliefs and issues from my body into a big bubble in front of my belly with a big magnet inside of it. I visualized a pile of rubble as in a bombed out building. I then was told to pull just the energy out into a second bubble leaving the rubble of toxic thinking inside the first. The energy in the second bubble was pulled back into my body and the bubble with the debris was burst leaving the debris to disappear. I did this on a Wed.
The next day, my son disappeared. He left where he was staying in a rush and has not contacted any of the people he usually calls on a regular basis, son, mother, brother, mental health people. He is a paranoid schizophrenic who is probably not taking the medications that keep him from having delusions. The family has waited and worried about his safety and the unknown question of where he was. My feeling ranged from being terrified that something horrible had befallen him to anger that he was being so inconsiderate to make us worry, to grief, to guilt for what I felt I must be my blame in causing his illness. I felt tired, disempowered, and scared. I am over 1000 miles from where he lives and didn’t know what to do.
My usual pattern of behavior is that when he or one of my other children has a problem, I rush in to try to fix it or help them to fix it. Isn’t that what a mother does? In my cultural belief is it. But what if that is a false belief. When your children become adults, maybe the responsibility for them drops away or should. In my world I was not letting that happen. What is the result? My children, or son in this case, are left to feel that they are not good enough to solve their own problems. He feels aggravated that I am butting in where he wants to make his own decisions and plans for his life. Maybe they are bad decisions from my point of view, but I don’t have the right to impose my will on him. Intellectually I know that but in my unconscious mind I have little control over my feelings about my mothering role. It is a deeply held belief I hold. I released this belief energetically in a meditation exercise and immediately the change was felt by the person in my closest network. You can only fix a problem from a level higher than where it originated. Like in the game rock,paper,scissors, energy is higher than the source of this problem.
He, who also is angered by someone rescuing him, also has the belief that this is the pattern that is familiar. He created a drama to bring me back into the comfort zone of this false belief system. Bang the world turns upside down for both of us. Now I am at the crossroads of deciding what to do. Jump in my car and drive to look for him and make sure he is taking his medications or gets medical care? The alternative is that I can shift the energy and the pattern by not doing the expected. I could kind of see it, but the pull to the familiar is strong. What helped illuminate these truths for me was a synchronistic set of events that put me in touch with an intuitive person who could see the drama unfolding from a higher perspective. She recommended me changing my actions. Don’t go and look for him, don’t go and rescue him, let him be free as this also frees me to move on in my life. Change the pattern and perhaps he will grow as he needs to face his decision-making skills in a more grounded manner, or not. It’s not my decision, it is his. I was given permission to let go of my sense of responsibility for a grown man who I really have no responsibility for.
Responsibility comes from the meaning of “to be responsive “, not as we have adopted its meaning to righteously trying to be in control of things. I can choose how I respond. I can help if I am asked for a particular action, but it is not a response when initiating an action to fix something that has not been requested by another person. It is freeing and exhilarating to leave these beliefs behind. I am sure I will be challenged again. Time will tell how the drama will play out from my change of behavior. I can only send love and more love for my son and trust that the universe is working in divine order for the best outcome.
ronagiese 
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